The Road to Mental Wellness

Wednesday, 2 October 2019

The Power of PTSD: I can feel the shift within.

PTSD: I can feel the shift within.

When one has suffered from the pangs of mental illness long enough, one can start to feel when the tide of normality has shifted, and an impending flood of diagnosed psychological symptoms are not far off and will make their inevitable return.

I can feel this shift within, right now as I commit to this blog post; it boils up from somewhere deep down as if the world around me was shaking my symptoms lose from my core. I hate it.

I am having real trouble negotiating my way through the world as of late, the sound of diesel trucks roaring by envoke anger and the sounds of sirens serve as a reminder for, not only what I have had to give up, but as so why I am where I am at present. PTSD is not kind and monumentally difficult to shut off.
Despite being overwhelmed, overstimulated and a bit agitated by my surroundings, I'm trying. I decided it would be a good idea to go for a walk but the everyday comings and goings of early morning town traffic were put in their place and taken over by loud, ear-piercing sirens. In the mental mindset, I am in, the wail of an ambulance caused a short blip in time. I disassociated, checked out for a moment and unfortunately for me, I missed the crosswalk that leads to a quiet and beautiful walking trail that surrounds a protected marsh.

When I mentally re-emerged, I realized that I had missed the route to the walking trail by a long shot and opted to walk the block instead. I was so overwhelmed by the world around me that It felt like it was some sort of battleground, every noisy car, every bang and clang feel like chaos to me, the world felt aggressive and I was feeling threatened by the noise of the traffic.

sadly,  I'm still being overtaken by a beast that I have yet tame. I am trying to reintegrate myself into a world that is far too busy to understand that people like me can't thrive in a world that doesn't see the damage that lies just below the skin. Again, I will carry on.

Treatment for PTSD

My lesson? It's clear to me that I should have taken the time to venture back to the peace and serenity of the marsh because I knew how I was feeling, thus I knew what was best for me, yet I ignored it. Sometimes I think we push ourselves in this world because we want to be a part of it, to be OK with it.

I must accept that I am not as far along as I want to be, Accept that I can only take on the world in small doses. It's maddening and it's upsetting but at the same time, it is what it is. At least I know where I stand and I will continue to place my mental shield over my face and plow through my PTSD and the anxiety

Please, keep fighting the good fight, remember, it will take grit, getting to know your symptoms and what you can tolerate. Once you know your triggers and how you feel about them you can adapt at the moment to help you get closer to mental wellness.

if you are suffering from PTSD or another mental illness, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something. I believe in you!

If you are struggling please go here: Crisis Services Canada

Want help fund my book? donate GOFundMe - The Road To Mental Wellness - The book.

Trauma Specialist, Dr. Jeffery Hosick:

You may also enjoy: The Mental Health Work Injury Called PTSD

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Saturday, 28 September 2019

Emergency Service PTSD: EMS-PTSD

Emergency Service PTSD: EMS-PTSD

It takes a different breed of person to be a volunteer firefighter. The time commitment in non-emergency operations alone is tremendous. in fact, Responding to calls makes up a very small percentage of one's volunteer time.

Sadly, It is this small window of the hours logged that can have the most detrimental impact on a firefighter's wellbeing. Of course, there are the obvious physical dangers in firefighting, running into a burning building is serious business that for sure but there's a silent injury rarely discussed.

This not so well known injury that some firefighters are impacted by is a debilitating injury known as  Post Traumatic-Stress disorder (PTSD) A tragic consequence for helping one's community; unfortunately for some, It can end up being the ultimate sacrifice.

It's quite understandable, we see things that no human should ever have to see. With that said, someone has to step forward and do it. All these brave souls can hope for is that they get to the end of their service relatively unscathed. for those not so lucky, It can be heartbreaking, mind-numbing and something that keeps one up at night.

I am by no means an expert on trauma and PTSD but I live it every day and my path to it was more than incident-specific. I believe that there may be room to include emergency service PTSD in a category that reflects the damage inflicted by or being witness to multiple critical incidents. Exposure over an extended period of time doesn't seem to fit the criteria the DSM-5 Diagnostic and Statistics Manual is looking for.

The American Psychiatric Association defines posttraumatic stress disorder(PTSD) as a psychiatric disorder that can occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event such as a natural disaster, a serious accident, a terrorist attack, war/combat, rape or other personal violent assaults.

Because EMS workers tend to have prolonged and repetitive exposure, the notion that "a" single traumatic event is a must when diagnosing PTSD, may not do these brave souls justice. In fact, it may leave a portion of the traumatized undiagnosed because it may be hard to discern that one particular incident.

From my own experience, those accumulated scenes can play out in nightmares that are not incident-specific and are not recalled with any real regularity. Sometimes I awake feeling like I just relived a fire service memory in real life. I can't recall the dream but I know the numbing angst of PTSD well.

Recently, I have learned that I am not the only firefighter who is haunted by their traumatic experiences in this way. Other firefighters have told me that they have similar experiences at night. Many describe their symptoms as accumulative and can not nail it down to just one event. They also report creating emergencies in their heads as they navigate throughout their day. For example, speeders on the highway, many EMS workers hate to see people speed because they are well aware of the consequences of this behaviour. All they can think about is the potential situation the speeder is putting them in. "Jerk is going to kill someone and I'm going to be forced to help."

I truly believe that emergency service PTSD could well be a subcategory of the original definition. We relive our most horrific incidents directly or indirectly ( the speeder scenario). We don't suffer from "a" specific trauma, we dream and replay many incidents we tried to fix. These incidents impact us sometimes moment by moment as we pretend they don't exist.

I want to take the time to thank everyone in the emergency service community who risk their mental health with every call to action. Firefighters,  paramedics, police to dispatches, nurses and doctors..... Thank you!

if you are suffering from PTSD or another mental illness, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something. I believe in you!

If you are struggling please go here: Crisis Services Canada

Want help fund my book? donate: GOFundMe - The Road To Mental Wellness - The book

Contact me on my Facebook page:

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