The Road to Mental Wellness
Showing posts with label Mental Health Bloggers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mental Health Bloggers. Show all posts

Tuesday, 15 October 2019

Mental Illness: Sometimes it wins

Mental Illness: Sometimes it wins

Since the beginning of September, I have been participating in a coping skills group. The whole goal of this education style process is to arm you with tools to help guide you through the things that trigger your emotions, anger, sadness etc. The main theme of the group is centred around mindfulness.

I am also learning some very useful mindfulness techniques through my one on one therapy with my psychologist. So far, I have been slowly building the mindfulness tools to help keep me in the present and thus minimizing my time emerged in my deep and detailed PTSD mind, the part of my mind that ruminates in the past and stands on guard for potential tragedies in the future.

But yesterday, yesterday I was overtaken and defeated by my demons. I was triggered and like an ocean wave, crashing on the shore, I was overwhelmed by its might. It started when it was my turn to talk about last week's homework, we had to pick an example of an incident where our emotional overtook us and evaluate whether the feelings we were experiencing fit the facts.

having been charged with the task of mitigating the tragic consequences of high-speed accidents, I've grown to hate speeding, it evokes such intense anger deep within that I struggle to keep my hand off the horn. I try to let it go but all I can think of is that someone is going to put me into a situation where I am going to be forced to render assistance to an irresponsible speeder trying to shave mere seconds off their journey.

My mind in first responder mode, sends me down the rabbit hole of  PTSD's chaos, reliving some of the most tragic accident scenes I've been part of.

This is the scenario I presented to the group and its facilitators. I walked through all the items that were required of the assignment then the numbness started to set in, I could feel the wave of dissociation coming for me but it was too late to inoculate myself against its effects. I remember very little of what took place next. In fact, once it was time to take a break, I was too overwhelmed to return, opting for the quiet, low lit lobby.

How to cope when triggered by PTSD

I remained in the lobby for the remainder of the time, sitting in the comfort of the quiet only getting up to pace the floor every now and again. So I guess the question is, do I feel like a failure for leaving the group?  Well, the answer is no and it's not entirely because I measured how far I have come, I was simply in the grip of my firefighting past and was not strong enough to reclaim my brain to feel anything.

Let's be honest, we are all going to have our moments where we can't outrun the mental illness that lurks in the shadows of all things suppressed. So why pour salt into an already deep festering wound.

So, be good to yourself, when you are overtaken by the tide of your mental health condition, remember, your years and years of being at odds with the self have made you an expert swimmer, a mental health warrior. As a warrior, you know that the overwhelming waters will recede and all the progress you have made will help you win the day.

There's no shame in mental pain."
                -John Arenburg.

If you are suffering from PTSD, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something. I believe in you!

If you are struggling please go here: Crisis Services Canada

Want help fund my book? donate: GOFundMe - The Road To Mental Wellness - The book

You may also enjoy: But a Mere Crawl: Slowly making my way towards mental wellness.

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Saturday, 13 July 2019

Mental Health Bloggers Of Twitter Land: A thank you.

Mental Health Bloggers Of Twitter Land: A thank you.

I remember when I was first officially diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety and PTSD. I turned inward, fraught with darkness that ignited a quiet yet intense feeling of sadness. The best way to describe it is, it's like being the equivalent of experiencing shock after one is in a car accident. Only, this was a form of mental shock, was numb and disorientated, I disassociated myself and felt isolated and alone.

When you are at war with yourself, it, to me anyway, feels like you are floating through life in a bubble and trying to communicate through it. One can't understand what you are communicating and it's tough to relay how you are doing, what you need for support.

During this time I decided that if I were to survive the war within, I would have to reach out. In the laborious task of getting The Road To Mental Wellness up and running, I would start to use as many do, tools, as I could, to reach as many mental illnesses suffers as possible. Social media was a logical place to start. 

I have to say, that Twitter has been a tremendous help, it has far exceeded my expectations. Find me here: @ArenburgJohn. It has been an invaluable tool for the success of my blog, which, I am internally grateful for.

The best part of Twitter for me has been the support network form all the other mental health bloggers. These mental health warriors understand the internal conflict and pain associated with mental illness and as a result, provide a type of authentic passion that you can't get from the mentally well.

So this one's for all of you, the mental health bloggers of Twitter land. I wanted you all to know that you all provided me with the mental strength to keep going..... Thank you! I am in aw of your courage to tell your stories, to reach out in hopes that you will, not only help yourself, but also help others along your journey. You ARE making a real difference, people are paying attention and looking at you for help. I know that has been the case for me. If it weren't for the fact that you are all scattered around the globe, I would shake your hand in person and say thank you for your help, it means more to me than you will ever know.

Here I will add your link to your site as a thank you for being there for me. If by chance I forget anyone I apologize as I put a lot of effort into ensuring I got everyone.

treatyobrain - Wonderful site, very well written and was the very first place I guessed blogged. Born out of strength and courage. (Link also on my Blog)

A Borderline Dad - Love it, I enjoy this blog and reading the twits. Always bounces back. (Link also on my Blog)

A New Dawn - I Love the owner's commitment to normalizing mental illness, tireless and relentless, I have partnered with her on several projects, including being on her podcast. Has been the strongest support for me on and off the internet. Her work knows no bounds and is, like all of you, helping so many.

Sick, Not Weak. - A non-profit organization that I write for. Its goal is to provide support for all things mental health related including checking in and offering words of encouragement. Love these guys, helping so many, have always found time to support me... Thank you!

Joy For Jan. -  Very busy advocating for mental health in the form of guest videos, people tell their stories about their mental health journey, It's A wonderful and unique idea I am happy to be part of it. You're a true mental health warrior.

Abbeys Chronicles - A champion for the mental health community and has a great deal of varied content, love reading her posts, I guessed blogged and am happy to have met her..... Strong... Keep going!

Nyxie's Nook - A recovery blog - I relate to her struggles because she is able to connect very well with her audience. I have enjoyed her support and chats...... Love what you are doing... Writing is your gift.

Love Life & Embrace The Weird - Amazing! Perhaps one of the most supportive people I have met on Twitter. She is always there with genuine concern and has gone above and beyond helping me edit my book. I wish I had your strength. Surfing is her passion but, kindness is her gift, editing is her thang. Thank you for all your hard work... - Much to my disappointment, I was not able to find her site :( But here is a link to her twitter - Worth the work to ask her for her blog, great content, great person. I chat with her from time to time and have guessed blogged on her site as well... Chin up and stay strong.

So, there it is... thank you all so much, you have all made a huge positive impact on my road to mental wellness. For this, I will always be grateful.

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