The Road to Mental Wellness

Tuesday, 26 March 2019

At Odds With The Self

At Odds With The Self

PTSDI am a war! A fight for my life and all that I love and hold sacred. This conflict is not so much raging against the exterior world around me although I have to say that it provides my enemy with enough ammunition to keep us in the throws of combat for many years to come.

As painful of a prospect of this campaign continuing on for the foreseeable future is, it's almost more so thinking about how long I have danced with my arch nemesis. Combining the two thoughts together sometimes makes me wonder how I will take on the next battle and the one after that.
Who is this enemy you ask?  It's the battle with the self, two factions within my head, vying for supremacy.

The back and forth confrontations of my authentic voice and the voice of mental illness.
How I will win this fight is not entirely certain but what I do know is that I don't intend to lose. Therefore I will fight on for as long as the anxiety, depression and PTSD want to rage on. Sure I'm outnumbered and it's true that they sometimes attack alone, in the darkness, at family gatherings or in the local supermarket for that matter. A solo assault I rarely see coming and seldom do I understand its triggers.

When one of them isn't trying to ambush me, all three form an alliance of pain in an all-out effort to end the war and take their object, my mental well being. These are the toughest, most taunting battles and take so much out of me that I find I have little choice but to avoid the world beyond my doorstep. I guess even the hardest of soldiers need to go on leave, my war is no exception. With this rest, I live to fight another day.

Although this battle is at times, exceptionally difficult, I fancy myself a long time veteran of this mental tug of war and have spent years learning my disorders battle tactics. Luckily for me, they don't deviate much from this plan and I am able to deploy my weapons to fight back. Good diet, exercise, deep breathing, and therapy.

My own tactics have given me the upper hand because I am able to discern my authentic voice from that of anxiety, depression and PTSD. I shall never surrender, my loving support system is my mental H bomb and it always keeps me in the fight.

My fellow road to wellness warriors, keep fighting the good fight. Although exhausting, it is absolutely worth every battle scar it leaves behind.

You may also enjoy: Mental Illness and Cleaning out the Garage, What do they have in common?

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