The Road to Mental Wellness

Friday, 1 March 2019

Am I healed because I am Happy?

 Am I healed because I am Happy?

Am I healed because I am happy?  Well, let's examine this question. The principal behavioural pattern for the majority of my life was and still is: get the help I need, get to a happy place, think I no longer need help, and then get overtaken by the irrational voice that speaks so loudly. At times, I get fooled into thinking that I'm still in charge. This is of course, the voice of mental illness, the one who makes it its mission to ensure that I remain in a state of fear and anxiousness. Then all the tools that I have accumulated from the professionals seem to get misplaced from time to time. And without them, the ills that are held at bay by those same tools, end up having free rein over my head space, wreaking havoc in every facet of my life.

The reason for losing these tools are many but is mostly due to an accumulation of life's not so enjoyable happenings tragedies, etc. Some are lost because of my memory while others are rendered ineffective by the mounting every day troubles life likes to heap upon me. Yet others fade into the background during the better times because they are seldom used. Whatever the reasons, I have slipped into a state of debilitation on more than one occasion.

To say that being overtaken by my mental disorders is defeating is a colossal understatement. It, to the very pit of my core, makes me want to concede to my mental enemies and stay home or worse. Then I look at my loved ones and I get my second wind. Like a superhero in the movies who is all but beaten, and is suddenly inspired to fight on, I get up, brush the dust off my knees and I pursue solutions with the ferocity of a lion going after its prey. I had decided some time back that I will not be defeated.

I have worked on trying to figure out where my defences are the weakest, how my mental disposition shifts to the side of illness. The common denominator for my slips into the darkness, as far as I can tell, seems to correlate with backing off from professional supports when I feel better and letting their therapeutic strategies fade - very similar to those who stop taking their medications when they start to feel better. Because, even in the happiest days of my life, the dreaded negative voice looms, so it is imperative that I continue to seek help to keep the tools that I have been given by mental health professionals sharp and ready to defend my happy. I must always be ready to do battle.

What can act as a deterrent to getting help is the speed at which both the system itself and the therapeutic process can take. I have at times been my own worst enemy by justifying my absence from the system by saying "I am better. I would only be taking up a spot that is needed by someone worse off than I am." Finally, I think I've learned my lesson. This lesson has come to me now, later in life, because I have taken the time to face my demons and have gotten to know myself a lot better. In doing so, I now know that the anxiety and depression, the symptoms of PTSD are ever waiting to cloak me in their symptoms and minimize my happiness, thus making it necessary to seek help on a continuous basis, even in the good times.

It's clear that I have had many battles with my illnesses and as a result, I have won some of them and have lived happily for periods of time. What's equally clear is that I should never give up my supports and I definitely shouldn't fool myself into thinking that I am completely healed because I have definitely lost some of those battles too and still do.  Learning that I need to seek out help even in the good times, is something I must not forget, lose, or let fade into the background. I will keep my weapons at the ready and continue to rely on professional support and remain vigilant in times of mental peace.

If you are seeing a similar scenario playing out with you and have yet to identify its cause, perhaps seeking the help of a mental health professional is what you need to get you back on the road to happiness. You can get back on track and you can live with more good times than bad if you actively seek out solutions. I am rooting for you!

You may also like: After A Good Run: The ups and downs of mental illness

Since you're here, checkout my friends blog at: Abbeys Chronicles

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1 comment:

  1. Mental health is on a continum. There can be happy moments at each stage. The farther along the line you travel the harder it is to recognize and seek out the happy. There are a plethora of strategies that help and and seeking professional support is certainly one of them. It is important to try many different avenues and techniques to alleviate the encroaching doom.


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